I am in a surreal space after returning home from a week with my Dad as he is in the last days of transition into the next phase of his life. I hesitate to post too much information yet this is the easiest way to update everyone I'm connected with and to express where I am in my own process of grief and reconciliation with death. The words get tiring when I repeat them and there are too many details to review individually so here's the scoop.
About a month ago, my Dad went into the hospital with pneumonia, which turned into a diagnosis of stage four lung cancer, which perpetuated a series of strokes, and now he's in hospice care, at home with his wife, approaching the hereafter.
It all happened so fast.
I am grateful that I was there, to spend a few days in the hospital with him and then a few more at home. I got to help him with his meals, talk to him at night when he was scared and uncertain and impatient about "getting it over." We talked about the angels he was seeing and he knows they are there for comfort.
I got to see the man who is George to the world, a different person than the man I've called Dad. My observation has always been that "everyone loves George." I've said that for years after seeing his interactions with those in his circle of friends and colleagues.
Our familial relationships were different from this. As his daughter, I didn't see the generosity, caring and interest that he seems to take in others around him. He wasn't around much when I was young and if I did see him, it was often a result of my efforts to tag along with him in his world - spending time over Christmas breaks to take inventory with him at the hospital or digging potatoes and learning to drive a tractor - times that I treasure and hold valuable. I've always had an unexplainable loyalty to my father. Even when he was not available, I felt love and connection to him. I suspect it was there for him too, he just wasn't able to express it in a way that saw it.
Being able to step back from my personal experience, the stories I might hold about the kind of father he was vs. the kind of father I wanted, I have the opportunity to see his capacity for giving, for caring about others and for connecting to the world. He's got it in him. I am so grateful to know more about his life, how he jokes and educates and serves on so many levels. And to meet all those who are also his family.
Besides seeing more about my father, I gained insight into who I am, learning more of what makes me tick and where I could make adjustment in my own focus in order to have a deeper and more satisfying experience in life. In my work as a mystic, I see how death can teach the living, and my wish is to get the lesson in this so I can move past my own blocks to intimacy and authenticity. What came out most this week was my capacity to be of service, to find happiness and kindness in the face of despair, to be fully in the moment in joy or sadness or gratitude or action, to be patient or to be demanding. I don't say this looking for any acknowledgement, I say it because these are areas where have felt shallow or lacking and now I know I have it in me.
In the future, I hope for more gentle vehicles to inspire these attributes.
Until then, I remain grateful for the experience and in love with my life and those who walk beside me.
Blessed be ~
Tomorrow, November 13th, is the New Moon in Scorpio.
The key moon phases (full moon, new moon) provide the perfect atmosphere for facilitating and enhancing shifts, changes and new opportunities in life. Ritual work, be it simple and swift or elaborate and dedicated, can catalyze the process of life improvement. Taking time-out to focus on a goal, refine direction or just clarify intention causes a trajectory shift that will always land us in a different place than we will find ourselves if we do not pause to enact our deep desires.
Moon rituals can look like fires, candles, herbs, oils and swords if that's our style. They can also look like closet clearing, frank discussions, completed to-do lists, software upgrades and purged piles of papers. The way in which we personally like to focus on our priorities is not of concern as much as is the importance of taking time to direct our energy. Wherever our energy is in the New Moon phase is the priority level from which we will create for the next lunar cycle. So, choose a subject, any subject, and play along with me as we change the world, one enchantment at a time.
Each month, the moon is in a different astrological aspect and will take on a unique focus based on this alignment. This New Moon in Scorpio is about surrendering to deep healing and purging the toxic from life. Shifts can cause healing at the soul level and may also involve healing of sexual issues or concerns. Scorpio energy can be intense, which might be intimidating. Yet work done under the influence of this sign can cause deep transformational shifts and allow us to finally cast off our demons and take on a new, lighter approach to life.
Have the courage to evaluate and release what needs to go in order to grow. Whether it is complete or not, it's time to release those things that do not serve. You know what they are: you feel tired when you see the pile, you are frustrated when you start working on it, you avoid getting to it even though you know it is necessary, you take twice as long getting it done because you've neglected it for so long that it doesn't work right anymore... you know the routine. And you know that it's just not working for you anymore. Stop spinning your wheels. Fix it. Delegate it. Dump it.
Honor the primal energy of creation. Whether your passion wants to flow through you sexually, artistically, meditatively or productively, engage with full intensity and with full focus. There is a great force of support for that which we want to achieve so take advantage of it with a full-bodied embrace of the process.
Embody the 'whatever it takes' attitude. If you want it, go for it. Know where you are going. Map your journey. Enlist a team of supporters. Deepen partnerships. Open your heart to be the person you need to be in order to deliver yourself to this state of being.
Fun rituals to try out during the new moon:
Build a collage with images of what you're creating. Use visuals that are charged with your personal power and eminate the completion of your heart-felt goals.
Soak in a healing bath of lavender in order to release obstacles, limitations and the heaviness that gets in the way of progress. During the bath, envision this release and then draw in what you will attract to take the place of this burdon.
Burn away the heaviness by writing the issue or worry on a stick or paper, throwing it into a fire and casting the problem into the darkness. Replace the issue with ideas of what you have successfully completed and what successes in this future this change will sustain.
Whatever method you choose to take on for the New Moon in Scorpio, choose something. Refine something. Eliminate something/someone. Improve something. Complete something. Just take an active role in the life you are creating. You will feel both relief and happiness for freeing up the space to a more fun and easeful future.
Reposted from 5/22/12
I woke up this morning itching to write... not sure about the subject. So I asked my guides for a lead and from Danielle LaPorte I received "People Heal."
So much of the Mediumship work I do is around healing, completing relationships, resolving the unresolved and permission to keep living. There is a clear line and deep necessity when we lose a loved one. They are very gone. We are very here. And we miss them so very much. People, scenery, scents, music, textures, stories, colors, or maybe just the silence sends us into the past and once again brings grief and loss to the surface. If we have loved deeply, created a life with someone and lost them (even if they didn't die) we will forever be touched and changed by our connection. That is the gift of Love. I've talked before, and will keep talking, about the flow of Love. That it moves through our lives as a gift, not to be held & locked away but to be embraced in the moment and cherished for the light it brings to the now.
Love sometimes brings us together in partnership and when one of the partners leaves, there is an obvious gap in a life that was caused and created by two. This gap, when filled with grief, mourning, resentment or anger, overwhelms the memory and vibration of Love, of connection, of the truth that lived between mates. The Love still exists, it is just forgotten or overlooked by the seductive nuances of loss and absence.
And, People Heal.
Our hearts are resilient.
We are heart-wired to Love, to connect, to grow and to learn about ourselves through our experiences with each other.
When Love saunters through our lives, it always makes us a better person. We get to see ourselves through the eyes of another. We realize new opportunities. We feel more connected with God and with life and with nature. And what brings these feelings is not the other person. It is the allowing of our hearts, the opening of our spirits, the flow of light through our beings. It is we who choose Love and we who attract that person who magnifies the experience. So, when the person who shares this experience with us is no longer here, it doesn't mean the flow has stopped, just that the flow is changing course. After loss, Love may flow through in other ways: generous friends, compassionate family, in-pouring from our community.
The love is still here.
Through my experiences, it is the one who passed who often fosters this continued flow as a reminder that the Love remains.
Continuing to Love and give and share life with someone new can be a tribute to what was shared with the one who is gone. Continuing to live in honor of what was co-created is vital to the flow of Love and the feeling of vitality. Living for the sake of giving and receiving Love, not for the other person, is the continuity of life and the preservation of Love.
Grief is a natural part of the separation process. I am not saying not to feel it or acknowledge the loss. I, and those who have gone before us, encourage an openness in grief and loss. Embrace every feeling and then let it flow through. Toss and sort, discard and memorialize the feelings the same way we filter the closets and desks of their possessions. All with the acceptance that what really mattered will never leave us: the choice to give Love and receive Love, in order to allow Loving and being Loved again. The heart will heal as fast as you allow it to; it was made to Love and wants to Love again.
You can make those promises with just as much passion the next time around. Such is the regenerative power of the human heart. –Marion Wink
I wish you more love than you think your heart can handle ~ Cheryl
Thoughts on everyday Mysticism & the magic that permeates life when we think we aren't looking~
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